For those that don’t
know, autistic people, especially girls can mask.
Masking is where we try to hide being
autistic so others will accept us. To do
this we act in ways that are not natural to us, to make others think we are
‘normal’ and ‘socially acceptable’. We
take what we see in others and copy.
Almost like being a chameleon.
Masking can require a lot of concentration and takes lots of time and
effort.
Photo by 21andsensory
I remember making a conscious effort to
change and adapt my natural personality to conform to outside pressures.
I thought of it as ‘putting on a show’. Even from an early age this was
something I was aware of and it became the norm for me.
If I was to be
described as a young child, my immediate family would say I was shy,
quiet, observant and introspective. Anyone outside of my immediate family would
describe me as fun, easy going and jovial. Maintaining this outward
appearance was hard and to this day still is.
Masking as a child I used to be copy others behaviour. Looking when to laugh, knowing how to greet others, learning how to be the life and soul of a party.
As an adult I don't tend to copy others anymore, but still
mask in other ways such as -
* Trying to stay still when anxious
* Forcing myself to
use appropriate facial expressions and smile. People always ask me what's wrong or tell me to 'cheer up'. I must have a natural resting bitch face!
* pretend to be interested in what people
have to say and refrain from complaining when people don't get straight to the point
* Practicing
how to act and stand in social situations. For example - when going to a meeting or event, I have conversations and responses
lined up in my head that would be deemed appropriate
As an adult my example of masking at it
best was when I was a receptionist.
I
was a great receptionist! Everyone
commented how friendly, approachable and professional I was. I was great at answering questions, constantly
on the telephone, showing visitors and professionals around the workplace.
I
relate it to switching on a light switch.
Flick on the switch and you get brightness, warmth, a dazzling
light. Switch it off and you get
darkness, disconnection and nothingness.
I was aware of having to make my mind and physical features switch on
when carrying out my role. If you were
to ever meet me as a receptionist, you would have been impressed. However, if you took two seconds to glance
back as you walked away, you would see that the light had been switched
off. No welcoming smile, no friendly,
efficient body language, no emotions.
Just deep breathing to prepare myself for the next flick of the switch.
No other organ consumes as much energy as the
brain. It is a strain having to stay a
hundred percent focused and alert. Making
the slightest mistake saps more vital energy.
Masking, we all do it. Some just wear our masks better than others.
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