Winging It!

Most people enjoy going to a party or event.  Time to get dressed up, explore new places and meet new people! Ever been to a party and seen the person sat in the corner avoiding everyone or sat playing with the dog?   That's me. I never know what to say to people.  Reciprocal conversations are not really something I can instigate or maintain.  The patter usually goes - "Hi! How are you?" my response - "OK thanks" It does not occur to me to ask them how they are feeling or what has been happening in their lives.  Then comes the awkward silence   From my experience this makes other people uncomfortable when around me.  It can make me appear as cold, uncaring and unapproachable.  This got me thinking.  Can I change this?  Can I learn the art of conversation? I have scoured the internet and come up with the following top tips - * Find common ground - animals, films, hobbies, sports * Ask a few questions related to easy topics such as work or school * Ask open ended

For those that don’t know, autistic people, especially girls can mask.   Masking is where we try to hide being autistic so others will accept us.  To do this we act in ways that are not natural to us, to make others think we are ‘normal’ and ‘socially acceptable’.  We take what we see in others and copy.  Almost like being a chameleon.  Masking can require a lot of concentration and takes lots of time and effort.     Photo by 21andsensory I remember making a conscious effort to change and adapt my natural personality to conform to outside pressures.  I thought of it as ‘putting on a show’. Even from an early age this was something I was aware of and it became the norm for me.   If I was to be described as a young child, my immediate family would say I was shy, quiet, observant and introspective. Anyone outside of my immediate family would describe me as fun, easy going and jovial.  Maintaining this outward appearance was hard and to this day still is.   Masking as a child I used

'The Eyes Are The Windows To The Soul'  Lack of eye contact in individuals with Autism is very common.  Personally, it is one of the most obvious things you will notice about me. Having to make eye contact provokes a physical reaction.  I literally feel 'Squirmish' uncomfortable.  I experience - * Heart rate increase * Restlessness * Sweating * Inability to concentrate If I have to look at someone all my other sense go into shutdown.  I feel my other senses reduce to be able to focus all my energies on looking someone in the eyes. When looking at someone I am not actually listening to what is being said.  I wouldn't be able to recall the conversation or follow any directions you give me. Many times this has made me come across as disinterested, rude or snobbish.   Next time you meet someone who won't look at you in the eyes, I hope that you recall this post - you may just make someone's day a little easier. Top Tips -  * Concentrate your focus on someone

Today I am really catching Skeletor feels.   Its a fine line between enjoying your own company and feeling alone. Like a lot of autistic people, anxiety tends to hold my hand constantly.  With that and sensory over/under stimulations, venturing out can be hard. I am the kind of person to go on holiday and cannot wait until they return home.  My four walls are my sanctuary.   So what can I do to not feel lonely? I did a tried and trusted method of Google search and Wiki How (with pictures) is the top hit. Go to the park and simply sit on a bench to watch the passers-by. Give your brain some stimuli to distract you from your negative feelings. Spending time in nature can have a positive impact on your mental health. Getting outside can actually reduce stress, and may also help improve your physical health as well https://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Feeling-Lonely To be honest.  I think I am going to stick to being Skeletor with a glass of wine and chilling in my slanket! Top Tips or links appr

Today I look like I have a severe reaction to life with my favourite t shirt on.  Its says in massive letters 'I'd rather hang with my dog'. So, this is where I am up to with figuring things out.  What happens next? The best way I can explain it is to give it a foundation.................... .. I do not go to the hairdresser.  I have always cut, coloured, shaved my own hair.  Just the thought of having to sit in a chair, look at myself in a giant mirror, have a stranger touching me whilst someone trying to chit chat with me is pretty much the Antichrist. In my brain I have been thinking, "If I find out what is wrong with me and why I act certain ways, I can fix it". So I have my diagnosis - check! All is going super at this point, everything should be great. Now I am slowly realising that I still can't go to the hairdressers. Does that make sense? I think that sums up where I am at the moment.  I want to be able to embrace my autism. I am trying to be more 

'I am different , not less .' Temple Grandin A little introduction and a hello from me. What to say?  My name is Sarah and I am 37 years old.  I live in the North West of England and wanted a place to share my story. Having been diagnosed with autism as an adult, I wanted to share my experiences, trials and tribulations and of course the down right funny! So, you are thinking “If I keep reading, what’s in it for me?” " What journey will you take me on?" I want you to feel you are not alone,  I want to invite you all to the virtual party.   

  Where to begin?  Unlike most stories this will start at an end.   For you as a reader the logical pattern would be beginning, middle and end, however this story is illogical.  The way I see the world is different. I have come to realise that in life there is no right and wrong, it’s about following your path and finding your own way. The words that started me on this particular path were delivered in a clinical setting by a professional I have never met before. I cannot tell you what she looked like, the only image I can recall from this important meeting was that she had an eye-catching pair of high heels on.  No, I do not suffer with oniomania, shoes are the first part of a person I look at. I promise this will become clearer! Back to the professional with great shoes……...I was faced with two realities.  In my mind both were unfavourable. Both outcomes made me think of the expression ‘Hobsons Choice’.   Thomas Hobson owned a stable of horses in Cambridge. Hobson often rented horses