Winging It!

Most people enjoy going to a party or event.  Time to get dressed up, explore new places and meet new people! Ever been to a party and seen the person sat in the corner avoiding everyone or sat playing with the dog?   That's me. I never know what to say to people.  Reciprocal conversations are not really something I can instigate or maintain.  The patter usually goes - "Hi! How are you?" my response - "OK thanks" It does not occur to me to ask them how they are feeling or what has been happening in their lives.  Then comes the awkward silence   From my experience this makes other people uncomfortable when around me.  It can make me appear as cold, uncaring and unapproachable.  This got me thinking.  Can I change this?  Can I learn the art of conversation? I have scoured the internet and come up with the following top tips - * Find common ground - animals, films, hobbies, sports * Ask a few questions related to easy topics such as work or...

Yes, the title says it all.  Alex who!  The answer, Alexithymia. Alexithymia is a trait characterised by the decreased ability or complete inability, to recognise and describe feelings and emotions.   Alexithymia is not restricted to your own feelings, but also can include recognising and understanding the feelings of others. Individuals with Alexithymia can be described as lacking empathy, not understanding of others and cold.  Alexithymia is very often diagnosed along with autism.  However, it should be noted that Autism does not cause lack of empathy, it is Alexithymia. Why am I writing about this today? Today I took my daughter (who is on the spectrum) to an appointment.  We were there to do some work on the 'Incredible 5 Point Scale'.  For those who don't know this work is based on a way of making feelings visual and relatable to an individual.   " The Incredible 5-Point Scale allows abstract concepts and feelings to be made visual, concrete,...

Interoception is a sense that helps you understand and feel what is going on in your body.  Right now, close your eyes, what do you feel inside your body?  I find this one difficult. At the moment I can feel myself breathing. I suppose when I say 'feel it' I mean I can physically feel that my chest is moving up and down. Nothing else.  Someone else may notice that their heart is beating fast/slow, their toes clenching or that their breathing has deepened.  At the moment, all I can focus on is the sound of my washing machine and the dogs playing with a ball!  These are some of the types of body signals we feel with interoception. These types of messages get sent to our brains and we try to make sense of them. When your interoception system is working correctly you may feel a certain way at certain times.  For example, take performing on stage. You may feel shaky, your heart may be racing, your jaw muscles may be tensed your breathing may quicken....

For those that don’t know, autistic people, especially girls can mask.   Masking is where we try to hide being autistic so others will accept us.  To do this we act in ways that are not natural to us, to make others think we are ‘normal’ and ‘socially acceptable’.  We take what we see in others and copy.  Almost like being a chameleon.  Masking can require a lot of concentration and takes lots of time and effort.     Photo by 21andsensory I remember making a conscious effort to change and adapt my natural personality to conform to outside pressures.  I thought of it as ‘putting on a show’. Even from an early age this was something I was aware of and it became the norm for me.   If I was to be described as a young child, my immediate family would say I was shy, quiet, observant and introspective. Anyone outside of my immediate family would describe me as fun, easy going and jovial.  Maintaining this outward appearance was hard and t...

'The Eyes Are The Windows To The Soul'  Lack of eye contact in individuals with Autism is very common.  Personally, it is one of the most obvious things you will notice about me. Having to make eye contact provokes a physical reaction.  I literally feel 'Squirmish' uncomfortable.  I experience - * Heart rate increase * Restlessness * Sweating * Inability to concentrate If I have to look at someone all my other sense go into shutdown.  I feel my other senses reduce to be able to focus all my energies on looking someone in the eyes. When looking at someone I am not actually listening to what is being said.  I wouldn't be able to recall the conversation or follow any directions you give me. Many times this has made me come across as disinterested, rude or snobbish.   Next time you meet someone who won't look at you in the eyes, I hope that you recall this post - you may just make someone's day a little easier. Top Tips -  * Concentrate your focus on...

Today I am really catching Skeletor feels.   Its a fine line between enjoying your own company and feeling alone. Like a lot of autistic people, anxiety tends to hold my hand constantly.  With that and sensory over/under stimulations, venturing out can be hard. I am the kind of person to go on holiday and cannot wait until they return home.  My four walls are my sanctuary.   So what can I do to not feel lonely? I did a tried and trusted method of Google search and Wiki How (with pictures) is the top hit. Go to the park and simply sit on a bench to watch the passers-by. Give your brain some stimuli to distract you from your negative feelings. Spending time in nature can have a positive impact on your mental health. Getting outside can actually reduce stress, and may also help improve your physical health as well https://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Feeling-Lonely To be honest.  I think I am going to stick to being Skeletor with a glass of wine and chilling in my slanket...

The first place I was signposted to after diagnosis was the National Autistic Society.   They are the UK’s largest provider of specialist autism services. https://www.autism.org.uk/ They state that “Autism is a lifelong, developmental disability that affects how a person communicates with and relates to other people, and how they experience the world around them.   There is no known cure for autism, but support can improve quality of life”   Autism is a spectrum disorder.   This means that there are a wide range of symptoms and severities, meaning there is a wide degree of variation in the way it affects each individual.   We all share certain difficulties, but these difficulties will affect us in different ways. You may have heard different names for autism such as Asperger syndrome, high functioning, atypical autism, autistic spectrum disorder (ASD), autistic spectrum condition (ASC) and pathological demand avoidance (PDA).   Today, ASD is the mos...